Settling into this season of simplicity has brought so much joy into my life. As I sit here, I think back to every varied and crazy up and down, and often upside down season that I have walked through. I spent a good decade of my life living amongst people drowning in wealth, prestige, power, decadence, and every material desire one could acquire. I sat VIP, dined with celebrities, wore the most expensive gowns in the world, conversed with business moguls and experienced things most only dream of. I do not share these things to brag but rather to point out that in the midst of a life that most looked in on and coveted, was a girl with a deep sadness inside and a longing to find peace. I searched for the fulfillment in my career, in the new age, in boys, in events, in "friends", in moving my location every 12 months (not kidding). Still, there I was, broken and brokenhearted surrounded by the kind of lifestyle that people sell their souls for. A true wanderer I had become, like a ship with no captain bouncing around in the sea.
And then my Jesus.... He came and rescued me.
God has remade me from the inside out, and drowned me in His oceans of love and mercy; I am made free. He broke me and then built me back up in one of the most challenging time periods of my life but I knew that He was putting back the broken pieces and that sometimes it hurts in the process of mending.
So, here I am, in the role that God created for me ... surely a far cry from anything I ever got myself into. He spoke to me about 7 months ago as I had been crying out to finally be set free from my wandering heart and to feel the peace I had been searching for my whole adult life. He said to me ... I have called you to be a servant.... To serve your husband, your parents, and the ministry. Having learned at this point in my life not to question Abba, I said... Okay, Lord, Have it be done to me as You will. And I'm telling you guys, our God is so faithful... as I embraced the calling on my life and made the changes in faith to accommodate it, God gave me what I had cried out for. I now have joy, peace, and true fulfillment. My heart is no longer wandering but feels at home right here in His presence... in the simplicity of this little life on the mountain. No one cheers for me when I make a stew or do the dishes for the 4th time everyday. There are no VIP lists, or invites, or flashing lights.... but there is peace.... there is true, deep, lasting, amazing, peace that surpasses all my understanding.
Thank you Abba for showing me the joy of having a servants heart. Thank you all for allowing me to share my journey with you.
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